Shades of Grade

It’s 6:59am on Sunday morning. The sun is coming up later than the start of the playing season, so it is still a bit dark out. Hard to wake up some mornings when the body thinks it is not yet the day time. He is laying down resting before we hit the fields. I take this time to address any last overnight’s emails before hitting the fields and being out of “wifi” reach.

I wake up with ease on these mornings. Getting the fields on time to watch my husband referee is my “time off” and fun. More often than note, I am able to help answer questions and discuss things of interests with our members. This is a nice side effect to being on the field since it is hard to communicate with each of our 2,800+ players’ families during a season.

My spouse and I like to be together when we can in our busy lives. The kids are getting to be pretty much on their own now that they are older (one is a legal adult) and they drive their own cars. My husband and I have more time to be together on the weekends without having to split up too much.

Our kids play in the older recreational teams called traveling house since they play in Livermore and our other district leagues. We make sure to enjoy those last few years of youth soccer for our own kids which on occasion takes us out of the city. Often my husband, a grade 7 referee, stays behind to do a game that we know has no assigned referees at all. My kids understand; they are good contributors to the league by letting their dad do this without guilt. I am a grade 9 “a recreational referee” and not able to do the higher levels games he can so I am usually the parental representation at the kids’ games. Like most people, we wish we could be everywhere we’d like to be.

A referee groupie might be an accurate term I use to describe myself at times. Not having the experience and skills of many of the other referees around me, I support them by being there when things happen on the field, talk to them about our league status, and basically listen and talk about what we each love, the game.

So can a grade 7 and a grade 9 referee truly find happiness on the soccer field? It is true that “opposites” attract? So far, so good.

My kids...and yours.

My kids are 16 and 19 and play in the recreational program. With the exception of my son’s one year in high comp, they have played in House division since the very early years.

Time is so fleeting. This season I am now watching the last 9 games of my son’s youth soccer career. Wow. It is a faded memory that I can barely visualize when he started his youth soccer life. Back then I can just see in my mind’s eye the outline of his tiny self trying to get some time with the ball amid the other his fellow 6-year-old team mates.

My son is not a fast person. This has been evident for years. He is aware of this. He is strong. In track he does the throwing events. About four years ago when he filled out, there came a day he became self-aware. If he stood his ground, people literally bounced off him. His confidence skyrocketed in his ability to help his team in the ways that he can. His presence on the field increased as he became a leader on the back line.

My girl is also a defender “by trade” in the league. Lately, she’s spreading her wings in mid and forward positions. Her birthday is Aug 12, just past the cut off for age groups. Every other year she is one of the oldest players in her age group. On her last U14 team she was the only high school student. She took it as a leadership opportunity even though she really wanted to play up with her classmates. She has three more youth seasons after this one. It too will fly by quickly.

Why am I writing about my kids? Well, the primary reason is because I’m dealing with my own feelings of a big change coming in our lives. My husband and I started volunteering eight years ago in the league on the board, coaching, and refereeing because we wanted to help the organization. As the kids age out of the league, we know our participation will continue in one form another. We were bitten by the bug a long time ago.

Secondly, I attend a lot of games (mostly youth) year around at all levels though the area (even some in Southern California). Almost every game is a pleasure to experience even though few have my own kids involved. Today, I saw a grandmother and older youth player on the sideline of a young house girls’ game that reminded me of something a Positive Coaching Alliance instructor once said that rang very true for me.

“There will rarely be a time when one thinks that their life at age 35 sitting in a business meeting could have all been different if that one game back in U12 soccer had gone a different way.”

The message is simple. It’s a game. A great game. But life is filled with many things that will impact our lives in great and small ways. To become over involved in the players’ game is not to their benefit. It will not change their life in a material way. Too much guidance can inhibit performance and risk-taking to learn new things on their own. Trying to control every movement and issues directions in a game does not set up a player to become better. It adds more pressure to the situation. This is compounded when there are several people barking orders from all sides of the field.

Again, most games have a purely fun experience for everyone involved. Today’s example gave me some thought all afternoon. Why did two specific people feel such a need to direct the players so much during the game? What was the motivation to state that this was “supposed to be about the kids” having just called the female referee curse words several times in front of these same girls? Ever more curious was that this happened after being ejected from the coaching areas (they did not have passes) when the assistance referee complained about persistent loud negative comments?

It really is about the kids. Positive re-enforcement (which I also heard from these two individuals) is great! Coaching during the game from the official coaching staff is good. Directing details play and suggestions on how to handle situations is for practice.

The time goes by so quickly. Enjoy the game for what it is. Fluid, fun, and short in the grand scheme of things. Keep the kids in mind and if they ask for extra coaching during the game, then please so. If it is for the kids, then let’s keep the foul language and disrespect for officials out of the game. Setting a positive example is in words and action. The kids are watching and learning what we adults do and say. Before you know it, they will be living their own lives using our examples as their roots. Help them be the positive and product children we have worked hard to support and raise.

WHY I QUIT AND WHY I STAYED

I quit LYSL at my first board meeting eight years ago. Karen and Damon assured me that that was an usually rough board meeting that night; they were not all like that. Years later, that statement found more truth that I thought it could at the time.

By no means do I mean to imply that the previous board all those years ago was not doing its best do help a youth soccer league continue to exist. They did create an enjoyable environment that my kids have participated in for over twelve years.

My previous management and volunteer work at the time was fairly broad at the time. Back then, I was unprepared for how this league would change my perspective and frankly, much of my life.

I volunteered to be the U10 Boys AGC to help the league it appears we had been parents in for quite some time. Sure, my kids were a motivating factor in the decision to step up. As my daughter’s Girl Scout troop leader for years, the Association webmaster, and the city Fall Sales Coordinator I felt I was ready to take on something new. Eventually, I got so immerse in this league that I had to give up Girl Scouts completely.

Each year I have been with the league, the other volunteers are what have impressed me the most. Reasons to join the board range from community service to “I think I can do it better.” Some stay for years, others just a season. With rare exception each one left a positive impact on the league. It continues to offer a popular youth sport opportunity to our fellow citizens of Livermore.

As the largest sport organization in the city, the requires a lot of volunteers each year to share the work load. The more help there is, the more things the league can do for its members.

The wide range of skills our volunteers bring helps the league try new things, improve existing programs and service to the members, and just make it more fun for the other volunteers.

Each volunteer has been unique. I have had the privilege of working with some really wonderful people over the years. I truly believe that the friendships and support of each other along the way is what help each of us over the hard times and enjoy the fun times even more.

Bill Masters, my mentor and our previous President, gave every credit in the league’s success to its volunteers in a Soccer California article years ago. His words are still true today. We have a great group each year.

I hope to see many of you step up soon and see what Bill and I see. Be a part of team that others helped to build and we need to continue. I promise to help be a part of why you do not quit after your first month.

I'm not hooked....more like reeled in and happily caught

I am not an addict.

That statement is getting harder to defend each passing day. After so many years volunteering with youth soccer, “working on soccer” has become such a common answer that anyone hears when they ask what I am doing with a laptop during bowling league, on the field, at work, etc. Anyone that that sees me twice with my laptop does not bother asking me what I am doing. They already know.

It is not uncommon to see me on the soccer fields all day each weekend during the season. As my husband’s refereeing has become more active and far reaching, I am on a number of fields year round now. I write a lot for various purposes. Being surrounded by people living life tends to inspire me the most. Being on the soccer fields makes it easy to write about soccer, especially in the presence of the players.

My family bowls twice a week. Between turns to throw the ball, there is some time. Now one could spend that time deep in thought about how the last shot could have been improved or what the next move should be. Or one could use that time to answer a few emails from league members with questions on uniforms or update the league website. Did you know that if one spends more time multi-tasking during bowling, one can get to that updated league budget that’s been need attention for weeks? Brilliant!

As I write this, I am in San Diego for my daughter’s state bowling tournament. After the session today, the team wanted to be dropped off at the beach. Along the way there, I drove by a huge tournament. Tweleve fields! What’s that like? But that discussion is for another day. Now the kids are at the beach and I am sitting down with keyboard in hand on a grass field that befits a good soccer match.

I am not yet so far gone that I missed my daughter’s bowling (still a higher priority for me). Does that balance out for her dad’s absence here because the referee instructor course he has been waiting a year for finally became available…this weekend?

Conversations heard on the field vary, but there are consistent themes that tend to be repeated. Kids warming up excited about the upcoming game. Post game reflection on either a win or a loss with the coach and a parent on the way back to the care that according to the parent’s lament is located “on the other side of the city”. This is not just enjoying a wonderful sport, but also literally a slice of real life. Refreshing.

Take this article with a grain of salt. I’m not that bad. I am not addict or anything.

photo above: Corey on her laptop writing while taking in a girls tournament game.

Welcome to my thoughts

During the year, there are a number of thoughts that come up that do not necessarily fit into a web site news article, a newsletter, or a yahoo group email to everyone. I thought I would try a blog to express my thoughts and discuss what others have brought up as we experience youth soccer in Livermore together.

This is an experiment. Let's see where it leads...

- Corey